Why Am I Afraid To Speak My Mind With My Partner?

We all know relationships can be challenging. We’ve brought the sum of our experiences into our relationships, where we’ve learned to strategize in order to be accepted and loved! I see this dance many times between my friend and his girlfriend. His girlfriend asks him what he thinks about something that’s important to her. He feels he has to give...[ read more ]

Why Don’t You Just Get Me?! The Weird Reason We Wish Our Partners Could Read Our Minds

A friend recently confided in me about how upset she was at her girlfriend for texting an ex-lover. During their ensuing argument, she desperately wanted to feel a closer connection, but instead she gave her girlfriend the silent treatment. Talking it over, we noticed a contradiction: desiring closeness, yet remaining silent. She wanted to be understood by her girlfriend without...[ read more ]

I’m Sober . . . Do I Need Therapy Too? Four Ways Psychotherapy can Strengthen Your Recovery

A sober friend of mine recently asked me, “I already spend so much time working on myself . . . do I really need more help?”  A lot of people come into our clinic who have already gotten sober through a 12-step program. AA and other forms of community-based recovery can be extremely helpful. However, many sober people often struggle with issues...[ read more ]

Manning Up to Psychotherapy: 5 Common Misconceptions about Psychotherapeutic Work and Masculine Identity

Many people, especially men, hold the misconception that psychotherapy will bring up buried feelings that will only interfere with their daily lives. A dominant narrative in our culture equates talking about one’s feelings with weakness and “dwelling in the past” or complaining. We are told to “stay strong” and “push through” or worse, to “stay positive” in the face of...[ read more ]

The Couples Communication Myth

“Every love relationship rests on an unwritten agreement unthinkingly concluded by the lovers in the first weeks of their love. They are still in a kind of dream but at the same time, without knowing it, are drawing up, like uncompromising lawyers, the detailed clauses of their contract. O lovers! Be careful in those dangerous first days! Once you've brought...[ read more ]

Isolation: Feeling alone can be a big problem

As I was watching a TED talk about longevity, the speaker asked the question, “What factors would predict living to the ripe old age of 100?” A researcher from Brigham Young University, Juliannne Holt-Lunstad, studied tens of thousands of middle age people over time to see what lifestyle factors contributed to living longer. I thought I could guess them. Of...[ read more ]

My Best Friend: Self-Sufficiency!

Many of us learn early, and I mean quite early,  the value of self-sufficiency.  Even as a baby, the need and value of self-soothing by thumb sucking is one of the first ways we can temporarily quell hunger, the need for oral soothing, comfort, and need of another.  Hopefully, hunger is relieved until mom or dad can get to us and give nurture...[ read more ]

Not Your Great-Grandfather’s Psychoanalysis

Psychologists have modernized the approach to better serve patients and have conducted more research that validates its success. By Amy Novotney - published in Monitor on Psychology, an APA Journal At age 7, Pratyusha Tummala-Narra emigrated from India to the United States with her family, leaving behind a country rife with political tensions. Her struggles to adjust to life as...[ read more ]

What it Feels like to be Lost in a Narcissistic Family.

Many of us have seen the tragic effects of blatant childhood abuse and trauma.  Frequently, the impact can be felt through generations, whether it be through repeating the abusive patterns, re-victimization, or the transmission of emotional pain and suffering through some form.  The resulting psychological blueprint is understandable: fear, anxiety, anger, depression, distressed relationships. But how does this blueprint seem...[ read more ]

Real Repair

For a long time, I have had an aversion to parenting in which a parent (mostly out of their own embarrassment, I suspect) requires a child who has committed some offense to blurt out the word “sorry.” This seems to temporarily reassure everyone that the child isn’t a terrible person while also assuaging parental worries about their child’s aggression. It...[ read more ]

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